Is amazing how having positive people around you with an open non-judgemental mind can do a world of difference to our mental health. Especially if you are sensitive, need a bit of boost from time to time to conquer your inner monsters, or your inner Hype man decided to retire for the day/week/month.
I’ve always been someone that always had few but good friends, never one to be walking around with a crowd. I enjoy my time alone as much as I enjoy being with someone that I care about, so I always take the longest of time until I invite people into my circle, but once they are in I am a ride or die kind of friend, however, I have always been a master of cutting people off my life, especially when I see that they are not adding any value into my life.
I had a reminder of that this week, when upon a conversation with a work colleague, she starts listing all the life that I could have had if I stayed in Portugal 10 years ago, all the mistakes she thinks I did without never asking me what actually happened in my life. She began judging everything including that my degree in Journalism was pointless since I am not currently working in the area and also with a degree I could have had a better life in Portugal. As much as I, 100% do not regret getting that plane from Lisbon 10 years ago and know for sure that I did the right decisions in the past according to the current situation to the best of my abilities, it still left a heavy cloud in my mind for the day.
Especially if you are waiting for a call back from an important job, your love is acting up or you are just not moving up the ladder at work as quickly as everyone around you, it can really affect your confidence for a while. Questions such as What I am doing? Will I regret not being around my family? Why I am struggling so much? Is everyone smarter and better than I am? Am I a walking failure?, will come rushing like Usain Bolt and even stopping you from doing things for a couple of minutes.
Having some hating or casting a shadow on your inner fears and past failures, as something to be ashamed of, will only, even if for moments, stop you in your tracks. One thing is to give constructive criticism, which I am always hoping to receive from anyone and the closest to me, since I make mistakes ALL THE TIME, another thing is to just judge you, take advantage of you and put you down without knowing your struggle and what you are fighting towards. People that think negatively of people and their mistakes, usually are upset about something in their own life, lack the confidence, skills, opportunity or self-esteem to change it. In this case this lady does not want to stay in the Uk, she diminishes the value of everything British around her, always making comparisons and is upset because her lack of formal skills, led her to have to emigrate and stay in a country that she does not want to or gave the time to learn to love.
I went from having an amazing Easter weekend with extraordinary non-judgemental supportive people, that always helped me look at the positive side of my failures/experiences and talks about life, politics, family and how we plan to move forward in life, to being told that I am SHIT.
Negativity talk sometimes is not obvious. sometimes can be that boyfriend that tries to steer you away from your passions and hobbies and does not support your creativity and tries to put you in a “safe job”. It can be that friend that judges how you date or who you date (if you cannot say to your friends that you are straight, bi, gay or who are you sleeping with you need to get new friends) and does not cheer you up when you need the most. Someone that will make a negative remark when you buy a house or a car. It can be that BAE that does not lift you up and doesn’t make you focus and only disrupts your life with inconsistencies.
So what to do if you have negative people around you?
- Can you reasonably argue and discuss a range of hot topics with that person? Is the person letting you speak? Is he/she listening? Can you argue logically and positively about something that you strongly disagree for hours without being disrespectful to each other and others and still come out of that conversation respecting one another? No? Then Uppercut them out of your life.
- If the people around you don’t change your mind about something, don’t challenge your mindset with tough open-minded discussions, if you are not learning. If they see you failing and not help you or talk to you, if they bring disruption of any kind into your life, if they talk negatively about other people, if their gossip is pointless, evil and judgemental ( I do love a good gossip but some of it is just evil), if you cannot call them when you are in trouble or sad for fear of being judged, cut those mo****ers 🙂
- CUT THEM OFF. That being “friends” or partners. Avoid them as much as possible and just do not let them steer you away from who you really are. If someone is not making you be a better person and are not making you feel safe, are weak, and inconsistent with their actions, they need to go. one time I learned that the hard time. Should have let go of someone around the 4th date on NYE, even though my intuition told me to leave him several times, around 8 months before it actually ended, he was not adding any value into my life. Didn’t. Will regret it forever. Still, haunts me. I learned from that experience
- If you work with them and can’t cut them off. Avoid them as much as possible, keep it the talks with only work related conversations.
- Keep it Private. Keep your dreams and your current Hustle private. Share with few trusted ones. Some people will take any opportunity to cast a shadow over your dreams. Share the REALLY important ones with the few VIPS in your life. There are only about 5 people in this world that know really what goes on in my life. Everyone else has a rough idea. The VIPS are the ones that if they asked me to help move a dead body, I would. If they ask me to cover up because they are cheating on their partner, I would. Who do you have in your life that you will do that for? no one? So share nothing….and hustle hard
- When you need a boost call the VIPS, get the wine out, get the cheese out, get the cake out, go for a walk until sunrise (walks at nighttime in the summer are the best), then talk in bed until sunset and get ready to fight again.
- Stay focus. regardless of the difficulties. if your dream is to open an art gallery, get the VIPS that will support you when you are doubting yourself, that will help you draft that idea into something constructive, that will help you just to keep your focus high even if just offering their services in bringing the best Spotify playlist, to bring their friends to the opening night to fill the space, spread the word on social media or bring wine and food in case things got wrong or wine and food if things go well. Wine and food are always the answer.
- You also need friends that will pull you down to earth. As much as will be great to quit your job and follow your dreams with that art gallery, like the majority of people you still need to pay the bills, so work that pays for a while is necessary. Maybe go part-time?Maybe get a business partner? Maybe get a loan? What if the bank rejects your loan application and gives you £2.50? Maybe…rob a bank…? 😉
- If someone is not interested in your dreams, not supporting you, not checking on you to make sure that you are still thinking about that art gallery, that you are still painting, that you are still writing even though nobody is reading, that you are still moving forward, that you are still being creative or pursuing that business venture, they need to go.
- Be stubborn and believe in your own values. 10 years ago everyone told not to go to Uni. That was a waste of time. That I shouldn’t move to another country on my own. That I would fail. That I can’t speak the language so I wouldn’t make it. That I should stay in my “good stable job” and have a normal life. Have kids. Get married. Get a house. That doing journalism at Uni is pointless. Weren’t they wrong?
- Once in an awhile scout people to be a VIP in your life,sense if they have good energies, but study the sinners first and take your time to talk to people, (everybody has flaws and only time will tell what kind of flaws your moral compass can deal with) before getting to know the real you. Not everyone deserves to see that
What kind of negative people you had to leg go off? What’s your story?